Ooohhh… ooh geez… guys what is even happening right now? I’m pretty sure that this is an office computer or something but I’m kinda bored and nobody is brandishing tasers at me yet, so I’m gonna do my best to have fun before that happens.
Last year, a meteorite crashed in my sand farm, and it carried the words “Cadillac Bill will grace Amazon Prime soon”. Now at the time I couldn’t read, also I couldn’t hold it because it was on fire and I picked it up with my bare hands, but now I’ve gotten around to posting this since I’ve learned how to read and write and hold things. And it turns out it was a message from the gods or something, because it came true. Either that or it was some vengeful space thing throwing its trash at me. In which case we have to consider what comes of the implication that aliens have prophecies laying around in their food. I mean we have fortune cookies and stuff but do they ever come true? I dunno, maybe we should ask this guy. www.facebook.com/THECADILLACBILLSHOW
Oh, the office people have called the police. I don’t have much time left. Anyways, I should hurry up and say what I have to say. Like I was saying, I discovered this while I was sand farming… and it was mandatory policy that we had to farm sand. But that’s an injustice right? You can’t eat sand. You can’t do anything with sand. It makes no sense to farm it, yet my village’s law is that we have to have at least one sand farmer, and that was me. So what I did was take this Cadillac Bill promotion to new lengths in an attempt to help give me the funds to avoid being a sand farmer, and establish an embassy that could help me rewrite this unjust law… and well, long story short, a race of angry sentient Cadillacs are following me everywhere I go, because apparently the Cadillac Bill show has something they want in it, but if I say what it is then I get hit with a shock from my shock collar, so I’ll just say it is DEFINITELY NOT vital to humanity’s safety and has NOTHING TO DO WITH sentient Cadillacs taking over the planet, and while they’re really angry at me, THEY ARE FRIENDS OF HUMANITY AND EVERYONE ELSE. Anyways, have this strange man thanking some other strange people for doing strange things.
I don’t know why this show is tied to them. I don’t understand. I don’t get why every season of a bizarre variety show is tied to a global movement of sentient cars, or what hidden knowledge Cadillac Bill himself has unlocked by creating it, but I don’t know how much longer I can elude my sandy destiny, so I’ll just leave it with you guys to watch it and hopefully I’ll get some sort of revenue from it to establish an anti-alien embassy and not get stuck back as a sand farmer, or transformed into a Cadillac myself.
For now, all I can do is distribute evidence of this show’s existence, and hope for the best:
The Cadillac Bill Show Official Links and Booking Station:
Remember, every time you watch the Cadillac Bill show you are automatically in the draw to win $1BN Venutian dollars to spend as you like on Venus… and yes there is more! You get reward points to be used on the Walmart stars on Mars when they open in 2095! Get saving.
Oh well, the police are here and they’re brandishing tasers, so I guess they want to give them to me as presents, even though I keep telling them I don’t like tasers or taser shocks as presents, so I’ll just have to say it louder and try and convince them. Enjoy your Amazon Prime sessions, and I’ll maybe see you guys later if I don’t die. Love you!